Hooked up with a 8/10 member of the Swole Patrol and his "python" turned out to be the size of an earthworm just shorter.

Hooked up with a 8/10 member of the Swole Patrol and his "python" turned out to be the size of an earthworm just shorter.

Waking up late on a Saturday morning, going through my whatsapp texts and looking for something, ANYTHING! Interesting and worthy of a reply.

My brother requesting his breakfast... *do I live to serve you?*

20 messages from random guys... *read, don't feel the compulsion to reply* 

My fan club can wait until I simply nothing better to do than have half hearted conversations with them.

And then a message of the best friend (BFF): Gateway @ 11. Brunch  I've got someone for you to meet!  Love ya... 

Hmm, sounds promising. I get out of bed in the shower. Spend 2 minutes getting dressed. 30 minutes applying my make up, 30 minutes GHDing my hair. Finally throwing on highest heels I own, I stand in front on the mirror and admire my work. Take a quick selfie for Instagram, tag it #ootd and I'm off.

I walk into Gateway like strutting like I'm on a catwalk. Notice from behind my Prada shades the masses stopping to turn and stare in admiration at me. A perfume promo dude approaches me and tries to get me sample the scent. I take off my shades, pout my lips and look at him. He faints in a flurry of overexcitedness.

I get to the restaurant and air kiss BFF who introduces me to her cousin. Before me, stands this 1.9m tall, beautiful hulk of a man. I offer my hand to him in greeting. He takes it in his giant hand, that is surprisingly soft and kisses it with his rosebud lips. I share an OMG look with BFF and we happily commence with "brunch".

So I agree to dinner with the cousin later. We chat about our jobs, studies and then the conversation takes an interesting turn. He confesses to me that he writes an infamous blog under an alias. This character that he's created, is based on him of course, and tells the tales of his various sexual conquests. I have read his stories many times. Cleverly written, witty at times but more or less catering for the gutter-minded masses. Oh here's a concept that works, I think, while smiling at him seductively.

So afterwards back at his place, I'm excited to be introduced to "the python" as he refers to it in his blog. In all eagerness, I take a look and expect to be awed. 

What I saw could only be described as a hairy mass of nothingness. I needed a lawn over to plough through all that hair, and even then I would need a microscope.

But not to be a letdown I let him bang me with the force of 1000 pakis descending on Krakatoa on Saturday night. 2 minutes later, I got up and went home. 

*end of part 1*